Love Marriage Challenges in Pakistan: A Critical Insight

_{A close-up shot of my sister's Valima (Wedding reception) dress, Image by Author}

By reading the title, you might be wondering, “What could this possibly mean?” Most people may not even realize that love marriages in Pakistan can come with their own set of challenges.

Recently, someone asked me a few curious questions about marriages, which made me think that others might also be interested in learning about these issues. Hence, I decided to write this blog.

So, what problems arise when one decides to marry?

_{The wedding banquet before the guests arrived, Image by Author}

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The Choice to Not Marry at All

The first issue is for those who don't want to get married. What challenges do they face? A simple Google search reveals that Islam, under certain conditions, allows one to remain unmarried. However, is this really the case in practice?

In many Muslim cultures, the reality is quite different. I know of a particular group in society that not only pressures individuals to marry but also propagates the belief that if someone intentionally does not marry, reaches an older age, and dies in such a state, their funeral prayers will not be performed, nor will they be buried according to proper Islamic rituals.

While I cannot verify the truth of this claim, my point is to highlight that many people marry solely due to societal or familial pressure, even if they personally do not wish to.

Sectarian Differences

At first glance, it might seem straightforward for a Muslim to marry another Muslim. However, the reality is not so simple. For instance, Sunni and Shia Muslims are two major sects within Islam, and they often have mixed feelings about one another. Some extremists even go so far as to declare the other sect as non-Muslim.

If a Sunni falls in love with a Shia, their marriage can face significant challenges. Interestingly, Sunnis also have subcategories, and sometimes two people in love cannot marry simply because they belong to different Sunni subsects.

Islam discourages the creation of sects, but societal practices often override this principle. The pain of such restrictions can be deeply felt by those who are unable to unite due to sectarian divides.

_{A handcrafted wooden car that produces a drum-beating sound as it moves, Image by Author}

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Caste Differences

Caste differences present another major obstacle. While some might assume that caste is rooted in Islamic ideology, that is not true. The famous verse,
"Urdu (original): Ak hi saf mein kharay ho gaye Mehmood o Ayaz,
Na koi banda raha, na koi banda nawaz

English (translated version): Mehmood and Ayaz stood together in the same row (here "row" represents row formed during prayers, symbolizing equally before God),
There remained no slave, nor any master."
clearly shows that Islam promotes equality.

It is likely that the caste system was influenced by the era of kings and emperors or by cultural interactions during British rule when Muslims and Hindus lived together. Some Hindu customs can even be observed at Pakistani weddings today, further supporting this theory.

_{A group photo from my sister's wedding, Image by Author}

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Racism and Colorism

Racism exists to some extent in every society, and Pakistan is no exception. Here, many individuals need their parents’ approval to marry. Factors like ethnicity and skin color can become major obstacles. For instance, if you happen to be born with a particular skin tone, your future mother-in-law might disapprove of your marriage on this basis alone.

Unusual Practices: Forced Marriages with Non-Living Objects

In certain small, rural parts of Pakistan, especially in Sindh, bizarre practices like forced marriages to non-living objects still occur. For example, you can find stories on the internet about a girl being married to a tree. Such practices are often done to maintain land control within a particular group.

Although these practices are highly discouraged in society today, they still occur in certain regions.

_{A picture of the gifts received by my sister on her engagement, Image by Author}

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Child Marriages

Compared to the other issues discussed, child marriages seem like a smaller problem. In most provinces of Pakistan, the minimum legal age for marriage is 18 for both males and females. However, in Punjab, the minimum age for girls is 16. This law is generally followed strictly. However, in some cases, birth certificates are altered to bypass the legal age requirement. Despite these instances, the situation has improved over time and is no longer as significant an issue.

_{A man walking down the street in a self-made raincoat, Image by Author}

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Financial Constraints

Financial problems are another major barrier to marriage, particularly love marriages. I’ve previously explored this topic in-depth in my blog, "How to Buy Love", which I consider one of my finest works. It provides valuable insights that can help you understand this issue better.

_{Enjoying a cup of tea with a friend after a long, hectic day, Image by Author}

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Final Thoughts

To be honest, the list of marriage-related challenges can never truly end if we start analyzing them in depth. The problems I’ve discussed here are just a few that came to mind as I wrote this, almost like a rapid-fire response.

Initially, I wanted to write about happy endings and positive stories related to marriages. However, the person who asked me about marriages was curious to know about our culture and how it relates to marriage practices. While they didn’t specifically ask about the problems, their questions led me to reflect on the challenges people face, especially in love marriages, which naturally became the focus of this blog.

While there is plenty of happiness and positivity surrounding marriages in our society, for today, let’s reflect on the problems. We’ll save the happy endings for another day.

What do you think? Would you be able to navigate through all these challenges to have a love marriage? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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