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Choosing What Matters
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「“If you don't choose your priorities in life, the world will choose them for you”.」
Mark Manson, the author whose famous by The Art Of Not Giving A Fuck , recently dropped a clip titled 14 Brutal Truths I Know at 40 and Wish I Knew at 20. In case you didn’t know he also became one of those New York best-selling authors and his books are read by many especially those who want to better themselves. The thing that intrigued me the most about him is that he’s going a bit off the direction that the current society tells us to have or the world we live in, a comparison riddled society.
The thing is, in his recent clips, there are some truths that I have already known but also some things that I am still exploring and coming into a circle. Mark Manson mentioned “If you don't choose your priorities in life, the world will choose them for you”.
Honestly, I have known that for a very long time but it’s easier to read than actually understanding it.
And having to reflect on it lately, every choice I made was not entirely based on my own understanding. My priorities were something set by others and things that I did were more of a ritual and habitual. As a result, I resented myself and felt stuck. Rather than making me ahead, unknowingly following the noise made behind and I lose myself in the process.
As a late 20 somethings, I grew up between the intersection of the old and the new message. The old message, the things that my parents, uncle and aunt, etc told me are things like;
“ Get a mortgage and properties”, “ Get a nice job with a pension”, “ Get married early”, “ Have kids early”, “ Go to school”. Their measure of success was having a family, a nice car, and a stable job.
The new messenger, the younger people, like your cousin, friends, and maybe just someone a bit older than you, finds these things boring and tedious. They want to go against that by saying things such as “ going to school is meaningless, hustle hard, follow the trend, travel the world etc”.
The new world didn’t really settle with a mortgage. It tends to show us that virality equals power and money which led us to a big mansion. The world tells us that the measure of success is no longer a simple house in the suburbs or a simple car with white picket fence. It’s something a lot bigger, grandeur and more posh. While in essence it’s fairly the same, it’s just packaged differently.
The truth is because of all these influences I heard growing up, my own priorities become a lot murkier. At one point, I heard going to higher education is lame and another part, I heard that it's a pathway to success.
Well, the thing is, I also noticed those who aren’t successful by going to higher education but I also notice those who thrive with higher education.
It all became clear to me that I realized it wasn’t that I hate school or think it's lame. It wasn’t the promise of success that made me want to go school.I realized that it was the pursuit of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that I really enjoy having and doing. This was supposed to be my priority growing up. And technically, one way to achieve that was actually going to school, being in academia, and polishing my knowledge. But again, at the time, I was influenced by many things and my priorities were all over the place. I put everyone else’s above mine and somehow, my own priorities and boundaries were no longer there.
In the past, I struggled so much during my university days because my parents just declared bankruptcy. It was around 8 years ago, and I was halfway finishing it. At the time, surviving became our collective priority. As much as I tried, apparently, I wasn't trying hard enough and gave up too easily.
Lessons I Learned From My Parents' Bankruptcy
It's marked 5 years since I wrote it and going back to it, life has taken me to many interesting places and situations where I sometimes forget the very lesson I learned due to this problem. One thing I know, declaring a bankruptcy almost felt like a death sentence that one barely recovers. So, if you can, avoid it. It's all part of mental game, where you also have to remember that perhaps, what everybody else's want isn't really yours. For me, it's time to stop trying to impress anybody. In the end, I learned that nobody really cares.
Anyway, that is just one thing from my laundry list.
When a thing becomes a priority, we work hard to make sure our priority comes first. We don’t really make too many compromises to it. We ensure that whatever happens, despite what the world tells us to have, do or even own, our priority comes first.
And when you’re living up to someone’s priorities out of habit, ritual, you’ll end up loathing yourself, just like I did almost these 2 (two) decades living up to someone’s priorities rather than mine.
Sometimes I wonder about those born in the 60’s or of my parents age. I met some people whose lives are completely on autopilot. They aren’t even doing any self-reflection and in fact, they weren’t encouraged to do it. From them, I sensed a huge unfulfillment and something that felt like missing from them.
In the case of my parents, as much as they lived an autopilot life, they encouraged me not to be like them. Perhaps they realized that and are aware of their circumstances where they have to live out of other’s priorities but it was all too late for what they thought at the time.
I believe that in each season of our lives, it invites us to have more priorities. So, it’s all dynamic following the circumstances that we have. But as long as it is not influenced by what others tell us to prioritize, that is something that I personally would be doing.
Have you reflected on your life’s priority? Are they truly yours or are they based on someone else’s?
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