Ulog 74 September 15 - Book Club and the Suicide

Amidst all the chaos that was going on in the classroom, I had a book club event a few weeks after leaving.

Thinking back, it all makes sense why people were gossiping in the book club and why I had weird interactions.

In my tweets, I remember saying that I should pretend to be a poor student next time without revealing the real reason why I left and what happened that I had to leave.

The whole drama was unfolding before their eyes when I was tweeting about what I was going through without having stepping on anyone’s tail and pissing anyone off.

Now that I have graduated from Taylor’s, the drama and everything can be revealed. I no longer have to fear for my life whether I will be able to graduate or not.

The drama was being picked up by Book Club members and they were very much aware of what was going on.

They thought I was snobbish like people said and that I was playing out the victim.

That’s why when I attended Book Club meetings, I was feeling awkward because I felt some kind of funny vibe from most members.

I was garnering much attention on the group chat and so I had people that think I was a pretender of some sort. So I had KM on my side that told me stuff going on.

There were a whole bunch of committee people that think I was bad. So they treated me accordingly.

I see it now. It all makes sense. They have my Twitter account. They saw what was happening in class when I didn’t reveal the whole story until now.

The day came for my Book Club event talk and I told my Natalie Portman story that got me to writing this book of mine.

I also did a total rewriting of my talk and decided to focus on my psychosis story.

Later, there was a discussion about girls wearing what they like and not care whether it shows too much skin.

These girls were trying to provoke me to show my temper or some kind of rage to reveal the pretender they think I was.

They pushed me to the brink of going suicidal.

I called Befrienders that night I wanted to kill myself. Locked myself in the room with a suicide note which my mom read and wanted to open the door.

I didn’t die as you may know.

Mom has been with me more often ever since and I thank the Book Club for mom’s presence. If not for this episode, I will still be living by myself with no one to be with.

All I will ever see is just people on TV and dirty people on the Internet because I was lonely.

To be continued - I Don’t Know What is Going On

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