WHO YOU ARE IS A PERSONAL DECISION

Humans are complex beings, and that’s what makes this topic so interesting. I can’t speak for everyone on earth, but I do believe some things are simply universal. A person’s behaviour is shaped by many factors: upbringing, environment, friendships, experiences, influences, and so much more. We pick things up from different people in different ways, and most times, it happens unconsciously. That’s why human behaviour can be so tricky, and why nothing beats knowing yourself deeply and having a mind of your own.

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Let’s start with the foundation which is childhood. I believe every human comes with their own unique traits, separate from whatever they eventually learn from others. That’s why you can see three children from the same parents and still notice completely different personalities. Imagine this: two babies who haven’t lived long enough to copy any behaviour are given snacks. You ask both of them to share. One willingly gives you a piece and the other refuses. Did anyone teach them that? Probably not. It’s simply part of who they are naturally.

But as they grow,things might change, they start absorbing things from parents, relatives, peers, teachers and basically everyone around them. They imitate the behaviours and language they see, whether good or bad. And with time, as they climb toward adulthood, things become clearer. You start to understand right from wrong. At that point, you become responsible for your own behaviour. As an adult, you can’t keep falling back on upbringing or environment as an excuse for choices you consciously make.

The truth is, everyone goes through a phase of self-discovery. That’s when you realise there are things you must unlearn, relearn, and learn afresh. You can’t stay stuck in a pattern especially if it’s harmful, simply because it’s familiar. At some point, you must accept that you’re choosing that path for yourself, whether it leads somewhere good or not. People change. People grow. People evolve. And at one point or another, we all have to.

I’ve seen children from good, stable homes turn out wayward, and I’ve also seen children from dysfunctional backgrounds grow into amazing adults who completely rewrite their narratives. In my opinion, I would say there is no manual to these things. Many factors may influence a person’s path, but ultimately, it still comes down to personal choice, the decision an individual makes about who they want to become.

When I was in the university, I had all the freedom anyone could ask for. At some point, I even lived alone, which meant I could have done anything I wanted. That period made me realise something important: you can give a child all the training and guidance in the world, but they will still grow into the person they choose to be. I had every opportunity to derail, but I held onto my personal values, not because anyone was watching, but because I chose to.

I remember living in a hostel with a guy who smoked heavily morning, afternoon, night. It was like food to him! He was that addicted. The day his parents came to visit, I was genuinely shocked. He transformed immediately into the picture-perfect, responsible, God-fearing boy they believed they had raised. His parents were even pastors, and they had no idea who their son truly was in school. If anyone back home had asked them, they would have sworn confidently that their child could never smoke.

So, in the end, I strongly believe this: while upbringing, environment, and experiences may shape us, who you are and who you become is still a personal decision.