The Insecurities Within

Distance they say is bound to ruin a relationship. Still, I hoped deep down that we would be different. That even if I was at school, even with the distance, such wouldn't happen. I was worried that without him next to me, I’d lose that spark and fire which he once ignited. Though we had our differences and argued a lot, we bounced back and it once again became a happy moment.

When you can’t see someone, every delayed text instills doubts in your mind. Instead of letting suspicions rise, I’d think positively “Maybe he’s busy with work. He'll text me later on.”

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I’d missed him. I'd missed him more than I admitted. Three months later, it was the end of the semester, I was finally going home.

The moment I saw him, I was happy.

That's when I noticed her.

A little too close, present too often. She was always around him, brushing against him like it felt like nothing. I brought it up once, but he shrugged it off, saying "I knew her when you were at school, she's just a friend."

'Just a friend' he said. But her eyes told a different story. She would stare daggers at me whenever I visited and he seemed to be enjoying the attention she gave him. The attention I couldn't give the three months I was away.

Although I won’t deny the fact that a little bit of trust I had had diminished back at school. Because for the first time in a long time, I felt lost in the space I was once loved.

Emotions came running all at once, I felt lost, betrayed, insecure and... jealous. He couldn't possibly like her back, she was prettier than me, curvier and appeared smarter. I had a rather slim figure, soft and way too quiet.

I wanted to know, to get rid of the doubt swelling up in me. I went to his office that day, it was almost his closing hours. He asked me to wait, while he talked to her outside.

They talked, they laughed. What really was going on? He seemed to enjoy her company, he left me hanging just to be with her.

I told my friend, Tara, about it. She happened to work in the same place as him. If anyone seems to have noticed something, it has got to be her.

“You’ve seen it too? I'm not going to lie to you." she said, “You’re not imagining things.” She didn't try to sugarcoat her words either. “She told people she liked him. It’s not a secret and he knows it. Everyone around kinda knows.”

He knew she had feelings for him, but still laughed with her, still stayed close to her, and acted like nothing was wrong.

That wasn’t oblivion. That was a choice. A quiet betrayal coated in silence.

"Don't sweat it, dear. I'm so sure he doesn't like her back." So she'd said. Suddenly It wasn't about her anymore, it was about him.

What he entertained. Because when someone truly values you, they leave no room for insecurities.

Being in a relationship isn't about avoiding fights, It’s feeling the sense of security. The sense of being able to trust fully and freely. And in that moment, I realized I didn’t.

Tara said not to sweat it but I'm sweating it. I want her away from him. Away from us.

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